What am I doing?

DECIDING. So I didn't really think about what I was getting myself into when I decided to study abroad. I had always known that I wanted to do it, but I figured it would be an unripened dream of mine; many of us decide not to reap the fruits of our dreams later on in life. So I told myself that I would not let this happen on my dream to study abroad. To travel abroad.

TRAVELING. Traveling has always been a dear concept to me. I admire that it allows you to escape, to discover a new environment, to challenge your preconceptions. But traveling is also very deceptive--once you leave the fantasy of the lands you visited, it seems that returning to reality should not be an option. Can we not get lost forever, can we just assume multiple identities and never really choose our own? Can we forget the failed endeavors of relationships, of success, of life?

INTENT. I will embark to Turkey with the intention of gaining as much knowledge as possible. This is the opportunity I have to seize, and for once, I will take the limelight on it. Can't wait to have a powdered mustache after eating  Turkish delights...




WHAT NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU ABOUT GOING ABROAD. How come no one ever mentions the downsides to traveling abroad? I, for one, will. This is what goes on in my head:

First, it never occurred to me that I will actually miss tons of opportunities back home at UCLA. I came to UCLA with a plan on where I wanted to be by graduation and what I wanted to do each year. Life, of course, takes a mind of its own and forces you to re-route. 

Second, I did not anticipate the amount of stress. I knew what I was getting myself into--that's for sure--but I am not talking about the stress that comes from finances or stress that comes from loads of paperwork (both of which I endured, too). I am talking about that emotional and psychological stress. The kind that keeps you awake at night, asking yourself: Am I doing the right thing? I can't tell you how many times I have thought, over and over again, whether I should really follow through with this. 

Third, although I know how much cultural shock is involved with traveling to foreign countries, I do not know how well prepared I will be to enter a whole new world. As I packed my clothes, I  second guessed whether I would fit in. When I decided to buy mosquito repellent, I wondered if the locals will think I am a freak for being so prepared. While I researched Turkish culture, all I could think of was-will they epitomize my attitudes and stances as those of all Americans? Will I be the sole representative of American values and thoughts? Dang, that is a lot of pressure.

Fourth, I am usually able to cope with emotions- if I miss family and friends, I just log on to facebook. But I have never been away from home alone for such an extended period of time, nor have I missed at least a month without having seen my family. I do not know how this will follow through, but I am definitely going to test the limits of my emotional coping abilities. And I know for a fact that I will miss UCLA and all of my friends like crazy too. Wish me luck :)

Fifth, I hate learning new languages. I used to be a Spanish buff. I loved it. But you know how in your early twenties, you lose the ability to grasp new language skills? That's what's happening to me. I don't know how I will manage to learn an entire language in the matter of four months. This is definitely a challenge.

And I would like to conclude with questions. I really want to set this experience as something to be shared with anyone and everyone. With those who have been abroad and those wishing to. I want to vicariously live through you and you through me. Can we please exchange dialogue on this thing? Give me your questions and I think it will enlighten me even more. Please ask. :)